This past month, well maybe even month and a half, has been and still has been a reminder that God is my strength and in control of my life. I have been reminded that God's plans can be vastly different from my own, and His plans are what is best for me!
It all started as I began having stomach symptoms that I have had before. Without going into to much detail, I was having cramping, diarrhea, and blood in my stool. Well, it got a bit better with some medicine, and so I thought...life will proceed as normal. At this time I was training hard and running long miles in preparation for the Portland Marathon. Well, the week before the race, my symptoms got exponentially worse. I travelled up to Portland, and lets just say on my drive up to Portland and back to Medford, I appreciated how my rest areas are along I-5...I probably visited the majority of them. =) I proceeded with, My plan, to run the race on Sunday. But as I was hardly even able to get out of bed on Saturday, then did not sleep all night on Saturday night, the Lord made it clear that attempting to run 26.2 miles was not in His Plans! It was hard to not do something I had planned and trained for, for 5 months. But again, God reminded me that He has bigger plans (of which I'm still learning).
I came home, and was so miserable, I couldn't even go to work. I immediately called the gastroenterology office (I had seen an FNP there once), and told her I really needed another colonoscopy (though this too was not in my plans) to figure out what was going on! Well, the Lord is amazing, and His plans were for me to get it two days after I called! Praise the Lord. Thankfully, the physician Tobin was working with, allowed him to be off the entire day of my colonoscopy. So I had Tobin's support and help. And let me say that I am so thankful to the Lord for the husband He has given me. Tobin's been such a trooper to "nurse me back to health" these past few weeks.
So the colonoscopy...well, as the first one I had...the prep (the day before) is the worst part!! I still don't know how frail old ladies get the prep done without falling and breaking a hip, while running to the bathroom! I'll probably be that old lady someday. ;) I was a bit nervous for the study, but actually the sleep and being pain free for a few hours after the test was great!
The results from the study came back, and as I listened in my drugged up mind on Propofol (an anesthetic) and Fentanyl, I heard the Dr say, "Your entire colon is inflamed and we are fairly certain its Ulcerative Colitis." Well, I proceeded to ask the Dr. three times (because I was still drugged) if he thought that was a fast and "agressive" progression. I didn't even remember his answer, till Tobin told me later that, "No, ulcerative colitis could progress that fast and aggressively."
So now the aftermath, I'm still not "normal," which everyone else knows, that I'm not normal...I think I'm just now catching on. =) But after begining some medication, I have been able to get to work, and at least feel "ok." Unfortunately, the cramping and diarrhea seems to regularly come more at night. So sleep is ailing both Tobin and I right now. Each night seems a bit better than the one before, so we are hopeful! I think God is preparing us for the future when we have a little baby and will again have to get up every 1-2 hours. Hopefully then, though, I won't have to work full time or have such severe bowel issues! But it has also reminded me that, no I really am not ready for children right now. =)
Through all of this, the Lord has really showed me the verse,
"Be STILL and KNOW that I am God." Ps 46:10
Even through the pain, He is God, and it's often the "be still" part that is hardest for me. I'm such a go-go person. Ask my husband, I always have to be doing something. But these past weeks, God has showed me that I need to learn to "Be Still!"
Thanks for your prayers, support, and encouragement.
Sorry no exciting photos...I don't really think you want to "see" what I've been going through. ;)
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